Funny Quotations About Fathers

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof. ~ Rodney Dangerfield


To be a successful father... there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years. ~ Ernest Hemingway


I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, "My dad can beat up your dad." and I say,"Yeah? When?" ~ Bill Hicks


My father only hit me once -- but he used a Volvo. ~ Bob Monkhouse


A man's desire for a son is usually nothing but the wish to duplicate himself in order that such a remarkable pattern may not be lost to the world. ~ Helen Rowland


The fundamental defect of fathers is that they want their children to be a credit to them. ~ Bertrand Russell


Growing up, my father told me I could be whomever I wanted. What a cruel hoax that was! I'm still his son. ~ Kenny Smith