Quotations about Sex IV

An erection is like the Theory of Relativity - the more you think about it, the harder it gets. ~Author Unknown


Men are those creatures with two legs and eight hands. ~Jayne Mansfield


I'm all for bringing back the birch, but only between consenting adults. ~Gore Vidal


Hornover: what one wakes up with the morning after a night of getting too horny without release. ~Sommeil Liberosensa


When the history of civilization is written, it will be a biological history and Margaret Sanger will be its heroine. ~H.G. Wells, 1935


The difference between light and hard is that you can sleep with a light on. ~Author Unknown


Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole chicken. ~Author Unknown


Tell him I've been too fucking busy - or vice versa. ~Dorothy Parker


My cock doesn't talk politics. ~S. Sachs


I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep with men so they can talk to them. ~Jay McInerney


I'd like to meet the man who invented sex and see what he's working on now. ~Author Unknown


A student undergoing a word-association test was asked why a snowstorm put him in mind of sex. He replied frankly: "Because everything does." ~Honor Tracy


How lucky we are that we can reach our genitals instead of that spot on our back that itches. ~Flash Rosenberg


The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting. ~Gloria Leonard


Its avowed purpose is to excite sexual desire, which, I should have thought, is unnecessary in the case of the young, inconvenient in the case of the middle aged, and unseemly in the old. ~ Malcolm Muggeridge, on pornography, Tread Softly For You Tread On My Jokes, 1966


Sex is interesting, but it's not totally important. I mean it's not even as important (physically) as excretion. A man can go seventy years without a piece of ass, but he can die in a week without a bowel movement. ~Charles Bukowski, Notes on a Dirty Old Man


When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities. ~Matt Groening


There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible. ~P.J. O'Rourke


I regret to say that we of the FBI are powerless to act in cases of oral-genital intimacy, unless it has in some way obstructed interstate commerce. ~J. Edgar Hoover, attributed


Pornography is the attempt to insult sex, to do dirt on it. ~D.H. Lawrence


I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week. ~Author Unknown


Love is not the dying moan of a distant violin - it's the triumphant twang of a bedspring. ~S.J. Perelman


It doesn't matter what you do in the bedroom as long as you don't do it in the street and frighten the horses. ~Mrs. Patrick Campbell


A woman occasionally is quite a serviceable substitute for masturbation. ~Karl Kraus


Never let the little head do the thinking for the big head. ~Author unknown, advice to teenage boys, quoted in Friendly Advice compiled by Jon Winokur


Our love could change the orbit of the earth. So, if a meteor ever comes hurtling towards earth with the guarantee of destruction, top scientists may call on us to, well, you know, do it like crazy for the sake of humankind. ~Author Unknown


Nothing risqué, nothing gained. ~Alexander Woollcott


To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you're impotent. She can't wait to disprove it. ~Cary Grant


My message to businessmen of this country when they go abroad on business is that there is one thing above all they can take with them to stop them catching AIDS, and that is the wife. ~Edwina Currie, quoted in The Observer, 15 February 1987


The common thread that binds nearly all animal species seems to be that males are willing to abandon all sense and decorum, even to risk their lives, in the frantic quest for sex. ~Randy Thornhill and Craig T. Palmer, A Natural History of Rape


Now, if groups like Moral Majority have their way, there won't be any sex education at school, and our kids will be the dumbest in the world when it comes to sex.... But our parents are sexually retarded too.... Fear and primitive morals are creating a sexual pressure-cooker in this country and soon the top will blow.... Only in the U.S. do we find children drawing a picture of a baby coming from the clouds or from under a cabbage leaf. ~Dr. Floyd Martinson